I just read this article and it is disturbing me…
Eleven kids found in cages in home
Could be happening anywhere… Could it happen in our own neighborhoods? It is scary what can go on behind closed doors…
Rough weekend with my inner stuggles of Young Life…
I spent the weekend up north at a leadership weekend. Each year, it is one of my highlights. I look forward to being there with other leaders, getting fired up for the year ahead! This year was different, it had the opposite impact on me and my strength.
To start the weekend, I got sick friday morning and was not full of energy. Tons of people I know and expected to see were not there. Hearing the speaker and seeing everybody fired up just didn't fire me up, it made me doubt more, frustrated, tired and feeling alone… Seeing large groups of leadership teams and their oneness was extra hard for me this year. I have myself and my sister as committed leaders. I have been waiting for 2 and a half years for a staff replacement for our group and am just not sure if that day is ever going to come. Would things be different if I never volunteered to be the interim point person?
I am pretty down right now about the deal.. Why can't we get any leaders? Why can't we find the right staff person? Why do I feel like I can't be stretched any further than I am right now?
There are awesome kids hanging with us and more come each day.. But with each new student I am stretched that much more… When will I break?
I hope I never get criticized for what I write on my blog. After all it is for me… If others enjoy it, all the better.
I can't stand seeing comments blasting the blogger for not writing what they want to read…
WARNING: THIS POST IS A VENT POST… Also a 3-category post…
If a large percentage of a community has no initiative, can it grow?
If last night at the State Fair is a fair example, I say no.. We had a great group of people, about a dozen of us… I feel like we did a lot of standing around. Somebody would say "Lets get curds" and I would start walking with them after announcing we are going to get cheese curds… 30 seconds later you get the feeling of nobody being with you anymore… Sure enough you turn around and they are all in the same spot… They look confused and wondered why we had walked away? Perhaps because we were going to get cheese curds and we announced it. It made for a lot of walking forward, then returning to gather the group and then moving forward again…
I have seen this in the community I surround myself with during the week and the main gathering on Sunday nights. People say they want gatherings, yet it is the same handful of people planning them all the time. People say they want something, but when it is time to step up… NOBODY DOES IT!!! There are support teams at our community that set up the environment, take down, gather food, greeters, ushers, lights, and other groups that put on each service. The community consists of 1200 people. Yet 200 spots for support teams cannot be filled. Only about 50 people want to chip in a few hours of their precious time. And its the same 50 people week in and week out, year after year…
People are takers, people want everything on a platter delivered to their door, perhaps even to the couch or bed they are laying on. I admit, I have been one of them…
This is why I got frustrated when I used to be one of those handful planners.. That's why I quit large scale organizing. I will organize a small event with my close friends, but not too often. I found there is no use in it, because the major feeling I get is that people don't appreciate it, they expect it. This is also why I started being intentional about those I spend my time with. Being exclusive of my time. I want to spend it with people who are genuine, people who respect me, who appreciate that I spend time with them, who don't want shallow "face time" with me.
Interesting experiment, tough to deal with though, because it is reality…
Stop calling people, stop emailing people… You will start to find out quickly who wants to spend time with you. You will find out who is loyal to you. It hurts… I did this during the spring time. I indirectly did it last year when I quit drinking altogether. Reasons why people hang out with you rise to the surface quickly. But in the end it is beautiful, because you will find more genuine relationships and happiness out of those who pursue you as much as you pursue them…
Why do I struggle with this so much? Why don't people step up? Why are we so selfish?
On a positive note, I did catch a Marlin last night…
A trap I fall into very easily…
When you are on a good run in life, your inner ego can move to the exterior and have a negative effect. I find it easy to replace your faith with your ego in your thoughts and your faith becomes a lie on the outside.
I have been around some great people this year. I spent a weekend at a retreat with my friend John and was able to experience great conversations with great men. But an easy trap is to fall back on the content of the conversation, story instead of the person you shared it with. Pull that one line/idea out of the conversation and run wild with it and start more conversations based on it.
I believe this data/information all helps sharpen you a little bit. But we need to check the core of why we share it. I often catch myself sharing it because there is only one other guy in my community who was there and that gives me a sense of power, ownership on the idea…
I don't believe this means I need to keep the information to myself, but I do think that in conversations with close friends, reading blogs, I see arrogance in my tone as well as others and something needs to change, the core of why we share, why I share needs to be straightened out. It needs to grow from the heart, not from other places. It needs to be faith centered, not ego centered. It needs to be love centered, not controversy centered. My struggles need to be love centered, becuase the struggles are a part of me and I need to love that. My feelings need to be love centered, the good and the bad…
For pure love is not arrogance, it consists of being humble and submissive…
Last night in bed and on the phone I came up with a thought that stuck with me through the night and probably kept me from sleeping all that well…
My friend and roommate Kevin spoke about his story of the past few years and how depression had settled in, and things he did to get past some of it. He said he felt he needed to be this funny guy all the time, which he is even when he isnt trying. He also listed a few other things that he felt he needed to be "on" with all the time for people to like/accept him. But then got to a point where he said I am who I am, lets work from there…
Similarly, in the last year I have been getting to that realization. I am what I am, lets work with it… I feel fortunate enough to say my story is less intense, no crazy events happened as a result of it, I didnt seek out counseling, it just didnt get bad, but it may have at some point if I didnt come to the same conclusion.
I am who I am…
Ephesians 5:11-14
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.
As men, it is difficult for us to show emotion or expose our feelings because we are supposed to be strong, tough, manly… A prime example can be found from my weekend. I was up north a little bit for a friend's bachelor party. We were playing bocce ball and a few of us noticed a cottage 4 down from us had a whole flock of women moving in for the weekend. Later on we were sitting around the bonfire telling jokes, war stories, and other things guys do around a fire. A few guys went down to see if maybe they wanted to join in our bonfire. In the window on the porch they could see the girls all in a circle on the floor and 2 of them sobbing. I am guessing their conversations weren't as shallow as ours. I few stories I heard almost made me cry they were so funny, but regardless the 2 images help solidify some of the stereotype of what a man should be like.
The truth is, nobody is attracted to people's darkness. That is why it is so hard for ourselves to open up with our darkness. A fear of everybody running away if we even crack the door open to some of it. I have made some drastic lifestyle changes in the past year. Although no bigger than the change I made when I was 18 to get into that lifestyle…
So in reading Ephesians 5 I found strength in that no matter what came as a result, I would never be alone… I quit drinking for many reasons. A crutch I often use when people ask me why is the financial crutch, "I was taking time off of work and spending too much money on it" TRUE, but not the reason. Or the health reason, "I have had trouble sleeping and feeling energized, now its better" TRUE and FALSE, I still struggle sleeping and feeling overly energetic. The real answer was cloudyness. It was the fact that it was clouding people's image of who I really was. More importantly, it was clouding my image of who I really was.
I didn't have a problem over the past few years, probably in college I did, but I was in college right? So it was ok, or at least that's what we are told… It wasn't until I was a few months of no booze that I realized even then random beers with Dave when we were just hanging out casually have a tremendous effect on my mind and soul. Even the Summit Pale Ale at Minikahda after a round of golf, had that same effect. Even having one at dinner with my family, had that same effect.
Now before you start thinking and maybe you already have started thinking that I am against alcohol, or I wont like you or accept you if you drink, or that I think you are all sinners, or that I am on a pedestal… Stop right there. These are my experiences, these are my stories, my thoughts and then they are your decisions and your thoughts. I had people in college belittle me because of the drinking and I wish none of that upon anybody.
After my decision, I had people that said they would remain by my side through the process, only to check in every few weeks or so and then when the weekends would come, they were off in the downtown/uptown scene, doing everything that initially I told them I couldn't do.. I spent many many nights on the weekends, home in front of the TV. Going to bed at 10 on a Friday night. Sad and feeling abandoned. There were a lot of people I knew I had to seperate myself from to help me out of that lifestyle. But there were people I wanted to rely on and count on and I felt let down. Relationships drastically changed. It made it that much harder to see them in the lifestyle because I kept seeing myself in them…Things I wanted to forget, but guess that God said he was going to strengthen me through seeing myself in that realm.
So I exposed my darkness of alcohol as instructed in Ephesians and I cannot begin to tell you how much I have been healed in other areas I didn't know were dark or clouding my relationships. God has made me ok with who I am at the core and not who I could make myself be. He's done that by a lot of time spent alone. You need to start liking yourself when you spent so many nights alone while friends planned things you couldn't do. God has surrounded me with people who support my core being. Who accept and are attracted to my core being. He already had a few people in place before I made the change. 3 years ago he put a guy named Rob in place. 2 years ago he put a girl named Cathy in place. 1 year ago he put a guy named Stefan in place to be a friend and listen and challenge me indirectly… Today he is constantly putting people in my life who accept me, who are attracted to the core Ethan. I don't have to put on a show to get them to like me. If they don't like my core, that's fine now because I dont have to put any energy into them as I am sticking to myself and how I was made.
I'd like it if everybody liked me.. But I dont think that would say much of my friendships, or how much they know me. It would mean I am masking my faults, my darkness, because not everybody is attracted to "the junk", only the important few are…
Pulled from the Washington Post
Speaking on the same program Monday, Robertson said killing Chavez would be cheaper than starting a war to oust him. Getting rid of Chavez would stop Venezuela from becoming a "launching pad for communist influence and Muslim extremism," Robertson said.
"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said. "We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator."
I have been spending some of the morning looking at his website learning more about his background and how he may have stirred up such a remark.
I found his mission statement, short and concise, well put I think
PatRobertson.com - I want to be part of God's plan of what He is doing on earth, and I want to bring Him glory.
My question is do the 2 quotes work together? Absolutely not… I don't think part of God's plan here on earth involves a prominent figure of Faith publicly asking the United States to kill somebody who based on belief, may become a threat to the world.
This hurts my heart more than seeing people preaching in parks telling people they are going to hell. More than somebody who says I am going to hell becuase I used to drink too much.
I feel like this week Pat Robertson has switched his mission statement to: I thought I wanted to be part of God's plan of what He is doing on earth, and I thought I wanted to bring Him glory. But I guess I am looking for the glory…
I grew up playing golf at a club where there are many welcoming and friendly members. I was fortunate enough to have enough talent to start playing with the old guys at a young age and was recognizable by many of them.
This weekend my dad and I played in the Member-Member tournament. All during the tournament and at the party saturday night, people would come by to say hi to me and ask how I have been and how I played this week. I can remember about 30% of them. But 70% of them I vaguely remember them. I may have played with when I was 15, 10 years ago. I think it is difficult because in this case the minority is more easily remembered. I was the youngin, so I am more easily remembered.
How I wish to have the skills of Jesus who can walk up to a guy he had never met and say Zaccheus come down from that tree. To not feel like an ass when you don't remember somebody. Its not that I don't care, I just don't have the capacity to remember everybody I meet.
I hate that…
A friend brought up an interesting point that I am wrestling with…
A financial planner was assisting them with where they need to be saving or investing. If they put away X dollars a month they will have Y dollars at the age of 65…
This is the track I have been on. I have had great advice from my dad and have started investing early in IRA's 401k's and other types of investments. I have lived a life of comfort and am accustomed to it. Almost too much I think…
When my friend asked the advisor, why would he put away that money for later when a friend in his neighborhood may need it for food to live! Or somebody needs some medical assistance but cannot afford it. Why not invest in them? That's where I am wrecked…
If I save all of this money… To use when I am 65, if I live to 65… What about all the missed opportunities to invest in people?
Why is it so hard to let go of the dream of financial freedom when there is no such thing?
I understand that I will need some money if and when I am 65 so that I can survive… But will the money I save today even be worth the missed opportunities to invest in people…
Why is it so hard to let go of the dream of financial freedom when there is no such thing?
How they can change so quickly…
For the most part, things are the same. But one huge item has jumped up higher on my list. My eyes have opened to the problem I see coming soon to a world near me…
I need to be more active in recruitting, praying, seeking out volunteer leaders for my squad.
I have been stubborn about it for 2 reasons.
Answer to the first one…
I need to buck up and do the work. In addition I need to be in constant prayer for the fulfillment of the staff position. we have been without a full time staff leader for over 2 years and the ministry is at a point where I cannot carry it along further… Until then, i need to be open and in prayer about it. I need to ask others to pray, I need to get on my knees daily for the situation.
Answer to the second one…
I need to be in prayer about this too. I need to be open with people about our needs, I need people to hear our needs and not say everything is great! "You had 10 kids go to camp this summer! Things are just great!" Cause they are not… I need to be patient. I need to keep my eyes open to opportunities, people, and not have a negative attitude. I need to meet with more people who are interested and let them tell me their interests before I write them off as volunteers instead of leaders. I want leaders. I am scared of what this fall may bring. We had 10 campers come home last week all fired up for Young life, add the others who didnt go to camp and the friends of those who went to camp. I am scared that Alexis and I cannot do it alone. I know we can't do it alone and that is why it is great to have God on our squad, but I cannot have a solid relationship with more than 4-5 kids, I don't want to have kids be left behind and missed in the chaos…
Here's part one of the journey…
This friday we have an interview for a possible candidate for our staff opening… She has been a youth intern at a church and recently graduated from the University of Northern Iowa. Please pray for this interview and guidance of her heart and if she is being called to this ministry with us.
Here is a link to our site, I will be adding pictures from Frontier Ranch 2005 shortly. Please pray for leaders to rise up from people I know, people I don't know and anywhere else they may come from!
Abba, be with me during the chaos of gaining students' trust, friendship, time. Please send those you have chosen to come along side us. Please let me keep an open mind about those you send. Please let their hearts be shown by their actions, they way they carry themselves.
Abba, you drive…
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