Living Rarefied

A dad approaches his son and says, "I was talking to so and so and he
said his kid was kind of interested in going to the youth group that you go to on monday nights"

The kid responds, "ah dad, he doesn't hang out with us, we're not really friends."

To which the father responds, "well think about it"

The son goes to drivers ed. class and comes home to his dad and says "You'll never guess who i sat next to and talked for 3 hours tonight, the kid you were telling me about the other day"

"Hmm… did you talk about monday nights with him?" the dad says with a little smirk…

"Yeah, i think he's gonna come"

"hmmm" the dad says with a little bigger smirk…Last night the 2 kids showed up together after school and then the new kid was leaving I yelled out thanks for coming, his response…

"see you next monday!!!"

Ethan Feeling, testing

I am struggling if that is a good thing or a bad thing…

Dry means there isn't much drama in my life.  I also feel it means I am not growing.

This weekend 13 of us headed up to Lutsen Mtn on the North Shore of Lake Superior for a weekend of skiing/boarding and hanging out.  This was year 3 of the trip.  I think I enjoyed it the most of all the trips.  There were others I wished were there, but the number (smallest of the 3 years) of people was right on.  Got to spend a lot of time together in a small group.  This was ideal vs pockets of groups in a group of 30.

I was able to spend the car time with a friend Andy, I brought all my gadgets for the car, dvd stuff for the laptop, ipod for the car stereo, episodes of Arrested Development, a few snowboard videos to pass the time for our 4-5 hour journey.   Turned out, we listened to Lee Strobel sermon on the way back for a short time.  But talked the rest of the way.  This was way cool as it otherwise so often would be 10 hours of community building that would be deafened by music/video or other distractions.  So often I want that trip to be short, so you can get to Lutsen sooner or get home sooner, depending on which leg of the trip you are on.

Maybe thats why I am/feel dry.  Waiting for things to happen?  Looking too far down the road.  I am waiting for summer, I am waiting for Rebecca to come home, I am waiting for my sister Leah to move home, waiting for somebody to journey life with.. Since I am waiting, I need to stop waiting in wonder and start waiting in awe of what is around me now.

Ethan Feeling

I was just emailed from a fellow leader from Urban YL in Minneapolis that 2 of her Young Life club kids were shot last night.  One did not survive and the other is in very very critical condition.  Please pray for their club, their families, their communities, their spirits and outlook on life.

This is difficult for me… As last night was one of the best YL clubs we have had.  It was the kickoff to a new chapter with an inspired leadership team.  A new staff leader in Andy, music lead by Bjork, John and his sister Lori and me and my sister Alexis.  During our joy and happiness, not too far away, the exact opposite was happening.

Lord, I pray for healing in the student bodies of the schools our younger friends attend. For your love to infuse the halls and busses and gyms and parking lots and athletic fields and the teachers lounges.  For that is where love can begin to flow.

Ethan Daily, Feeling, Surprise Me

I was in Santa Barbara last weekend.  In 2 days I saw 3 homeless people get arrested/approached by police.  One of them involved 8 police cars.  For 1 homeless man.  It broke my heart that because of the fact if it was me that did whatever the homeless man did, which may have been nothing other than existing…  It wouldn't have drawn 8 police cars attention.

Think about this scenario.  A homeless person sleeping on the beach, and a young college student laying on a towel tanning on the beach…

Honestly, who do you think would be asked to move along first?

The answer that just popped in your head is what bothers me.  Because its the same answer that popped in my head…

Ethan Feeling, Surprise Me

Today marks 1 year of being sober…

Surprisingly, yesterday was the first day in a year where the idea/thought of having a drink didn't enter my head. I couln't really count the 12th as day 1 last year because Saturday night spilled into early Sunday. And because I am a little OCD on being exact on my dates, today is the full day…

Ethan Community, Feeling, Surprise Me

While I was in Boulder, their HS Ministries Director asked as a few of us a question he was thinking about in preparing a talk for their church… Forrest asked us what burdens us? What is the biggest burden we carry?

The 3 others each said their families are their biggest burden. I said that I am my biggest burden. It caught him off guard I think. In a life that is blessed beyond understanding, I find myself looking for drama or feeling the need for a burden and so almost instinctively I place a lot of pressure on myself.

I place more pressure on myself than needed around the Young Life ministry. I take it personal when few kids show up or if a kid says they are coming and then cancels last minute. I take it personal when it looks like 1 kid in the room isn't having fun.

I am a huge burden to myself in relationships with girls, potential dating relationships to be specific. The fact that I have never had a serious relationship is the root of why I have such an inner struggle with myself and my level of acceptance or lack of acceptance in that arena.

Financially I am a burden to myself, I spend money on Caribous, a gym membership that is rarely used enough. Also because of things like remodeling my basement I wonder if I am being too selfish with my money? Or am I being smart by investing it in the real estate I have been fortunate enough to acquire.

When thinking about how to heal/solve this… I came up with all sorts of solutions to other burdens. If your family is a burden, work and pray to reconcile the differences and pour unconditional love into the differences and your family members.. Similar process for a friend who may be a burden on you. Work used to be a burden, but then I realized work is about 5th or 6th on my long term importance list. So I quit my job. I still work hard, but I am in an environment that allows work to be work and not anything more or less. But for myself, I can't think of anything else than pray. Its extremely hard for me to just say to myself to get out of the way.

Ethan Community, Feeling

I was searching layout themes last night with a friend and I saw this theme you are looking at today, the new/temporary deisgn to LivingRarefied.com. It looked hilarious to me.. So simple…

But as a laid in bed, I was thinking about the context and how true it is…

Over the last few years I have learned and am learning that I can't give my heart to somebody, whether they ask for it or I just give it to them thinking they want it.

First off it isn't mine to give. I made that decision years ago to give it to Jesus. So I really can't give something I don't have. The problem with that is sometimes the mind works different than the heart. So they forget who owns which.

Secondly, my heart is my connection to God and Jesus. By giving that to another person I unfortunately have redirected my pathway to Jesus through them… So as soon as something happens to them, something has happened to my pathway and also to my faith (as part of it was rooted in them).

My solution is that I open my heart to somebody to allow them to see it, be near it, fall in love with it. But knowing it isn't mine to give them, to be open to sharing it with them and its owner… God… This is where my honesty experiments will shine and allow myself to be more transparent into my heart for others to see.

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Ethan Community, Feeling

I was sitting at First Presbyterian in Boulder Colorado and communion was served today. The pastor requested we all wait to eat the bread until all in the church have received their piece. This was done to eat in unity as the body of Christ. A great idea!

I let my mind wander a little, sometimes I keep the leash on and only let it go so far. Today I took the leash off.

Thoughts of my philosophy class back in college came back. Dealing with sample sizes and all that jazz. If the world population were to double over night, the body of Christ would double right? Each of those newborns fall into the same category as I do, my Father sent his son Jesus to die so that we may live.

Now what if all in the world disappeared tonight and I land back in Minnesota as the only one on earth. (I flew and landed the plane)

I would be the body of Christ on earth. Just as it was in the beginning with Adam.

In relation to my last entry I am wrestling with ideas that I am not just a number. I am not one in a billion. I am one of one. I am His Joy.

I fear that in the phrase "we are the body" we settle in to being content to be hair, or belly button fuzz. I fear that we say the pastors and missionaries will be the feet and hands. Its all good cause we are part of the body. And there are parts that don't have to do anything. That's not a very ideal body if the majority of people think that. I am beginning to experience the importance of me in this world, not in an egotistical way of a T-shirt I designed that says "every woman deserves a guy like me". But in a way that God is revealing to me through relationships both successful and failed alike. The importance of me being right in my own eyes and in my own eyes only. As if I were the only one left to represent the body of Christ.

I am trying to break the mold of me thinking that God did all he did for us, and move towards the fact he did it for me. Not in a selfish way, but in a way I will feel it and not just be a part of it.

A hard bite of reality is that when the day comes where I am stripped of evething here I love, where will I stand? Naked and alone and empty handed and down on myself and embarrassed to be naked, or naked and alone and empty handed and thrilled that Jesus is there with open arms for me.

In relationships, I can only be me. I can only be the me I was made to be. I need to be who I am, cause if I am who I aint , I aint who I am. Somebody will come my way that can accept and walk with me as I am. Regardless of timing, where I am in life, where they are in life, where God has each of is in life.

Its a hard place for me, to yearn for a close and intimate relationship here on earth, yet above that is my growing in Christ and bringing His kingdom to everyone I meet. But knowing and yearning to have that be the core of the relationship.

2 become one… That's what I want. Not 2 + some changes become one. Which is what I always feel is what is expected even though I resist because it prevents me from being me.

Ethan Community, Feeling

Here's something to jot down in your notebooks about me…

Don't ever think about overpromising me and underdelivering! That's one of the hardest things for me to grasp about people.. Just be honest! If you can't do something, tell me. If you can't get it done on time, tell me. If you aren't sure, tell me you aren't sure and I won't rely on you!!!

But don't try to make me happy by saying what you think I want to hear… I actually want to hear the truth! I promise that you can never upset me off by telling me the truth from the get go!

BE HONEST!!!

Ethan Community, Feeling, Surprise Me

The storm came and went.
I thought it was the storm that caused the delay.
I thought it was too rainy to run the race.
God has been parting the clouds for me to see.
He sent intense gusts of wind to clear most of the clouds last night.
He said there's nothing to seek shelter from, its a sunny day.

I showed up on the wrong day.
Not sure if that particular race will be run.
Trusting what happens will happen.

Need to prepare myself for the next race…

Ethan Daily, Feeling