Honesty hurts again…
My new ways of trying my best to be honest and not sugar-coat everything, even down to the simple question "how are you doing"…
I guess yesterday somebody didn't want to hear how I was really doing. I was asked how are you really doing. So I took this as an opportunity where I had to be honest and not hold back.
I have a few reasons for this new way of trying to be honest in all times, especially when asked. One is that bottling it up, keep it inside to stir is a bad bad idea and has never worked in my favor. For a friendship to grow I think honesty needs to be there all the times. Many times people will not receive the truth very well which is the very reason we sugar-coat it… To protect them… But is that really protecting them?
I found out yesterday it works both ways, it may hurt the one you speak the truth to, but it also hurts yourself. As the bringer of the truth, you can look bad, all of the sudden you aren't the nice guy anymore. But was I ever the nice guy because I sugar-coated things? Unfortunately struggles exist and things aren't always smiles and laughter. But we try to make it seem like that's our world by covering up the struggles and sweeping them into the closet to try and forget about them. But they grow and you get to see them time to time when you go get clothes out of your closet, so they never go away.
any other thoughts on honesty?
I have some thoughts for you on honesty but won't be writing them here on your blog…I am excited to talk next week though!
I agree with your take on honesty. I would so prefer a world where people simply stated things as they saw them because I have lost faith in what people tell me from watching them sugarcoat to other people . HOw can anyone believe what someone tells them if that same someone has admitted to “lying” to another person in order to spare their “feelings”? I am forever wondering if my feelings are simply being spared. I don't see any reason to converse
at all when at the core of it is dishonesty. I believe people deserve to be master of their own feelings and I resent others taking on the care of my feelings for me. Even if they deeply understand me —because only I know how I feel or how I may feel about any particular thing.
I have asked people, friends, family to be honest with me, even “brutally” honest so that I can at least have a chance to defend myself or to change myself or adjust or whatever I want to do in response to what is real. Letting someone continue behavior, for instance, that everyone finds fault with–is more cruel than confronting the person with that information. I have said so myself to those I thought had my interests at heart, that to me it was hurtful to hide criticism coming from themselves or others concerning myself from me. That is what I said would hurt my feelings, not the truth but the hiding of the truth. That is what hurts me. And the reason why it hurts me is because it causes me to doubt the truthfulness of everything others say to me about me or about others and because if it is about me than it leaves me with no options since I am unaware
that a problem or perception even exist and am therefore most likely going to continue in these things unknowing of the affect it has. Hmmm that was quite a sentence there.
You may may pause to take a breath. ha.
Honesty is the best policy. Now that is a cliche and it is a cliche because the eternal, unchanging truth of it cannot be erased. I don't see any clauses in that statement such as those which would say except in the case where it might hurt someone's feelings or make me look like a bad guy. It doesn't say it is the only policy, for sure, but it does say it is the best.
I say , let';s do our best by honestyand make it our policy. One can be honest without being cruel , it's possible to state the truth as we each perceive it without inflicting damage to ourselves and others because truth itself is not a damager. It's what we do with it that damages. And it's how we receive it. I am perfectly willing to refrain from telling a person who actually asks me to withhold the truth from them the truth, if that's what they want. I am not willing, however, to be untruthful.
truth has its biggest bite of pain when it follows what had before been passed off as truth .
Even then it's the lie that caused the pain in the first place as there is no foundation left to stand on if the foundation has been found to be false.
Yet people so dearly love to build fluffly little lying foundations for other people , thinking themselves to be so nice when in reality they are creating castles in the air and passsing them off as items of substance to the unknowing person they pride themselves on being so considerate of. Those who think themselves as being nice by withholding the truth (which will set them free) and those who think themselves to be the caretaker of someone else's emotions or those who surrender the control of their emotions to others, please don't consider me as one of you. you who withold the truth are witholders of freedom and there is nothing more evil to me than to hold freedom captive. I am one who doesn't think people like you are nice at all but are in fact the most unice of all people because you are the ones who cause others to doubt the truthfulness of everyone.
In my perfect world “you're just saying that to make me feel good” would be replaced with “thank you” and compliments could be enjoyed wtih full appreciation.
I appreciate your honesty. I hope you apprecate mine.
thanks for listening
(ps I hope you still like me, heh heh)
bah humbug
give me truth or give me nothing!
Glenna, thanks for your thoughts… if you are still traversing this site…
I agree with your thoughts and have taken some time to process and re-read them. In my seeking of truth from people I have had some positive experiences as well. Examples of where I was scared to speak it, but after speaking it recieving that “thank you” you talked about in the end of your comment. When that happens, it is glorious!!!
But I have also found that with the truth, not everybody wants to be your friend… But with that truth you can grow stronger with those closest to you who can handle the truth as friendship and not as conflict in the long run.
But in the long run this is a positive as you form deeper meaningful relationships with a few vs a bunch of petty relationships that can disinegrate (sp?) by some truth…
if only Roo would speak out on her thoughts about this!!