Burdens…
While I was in Boulder, their HS Ministries Director asked as a few of us a question he was thinking about in preparing a talk for their church… Forrest asked us what burdens us? What is the biggest burden we carry?
The 3 others each said their families are their biggest burden. I said that I am my biggest burden. It caught him off guard I think. In a life that is blessed beyond understanding, I find myself looking for drama or feeling the need for a burden and so almost instinctively I place a lot of pressure on myself.
I place more pressure on myself than needed around the Young Life ministry. I take it personal when few kids show up or if a kid says they are coming and then cancels last minute. I take it personal when it looks like 1 kid in the room isn't having fun.
I am a huge burden to myself in relationships with girls, potential dating relationships to be specific. The fact that I have never had a serious relationship is the root of why I have such an inner struggle with myself and my level of acceptance or lack of acceptance in that arena.
Financially I am a burden to myself, I spend money on Caribous, a gym membership that is rarely used enough. Also because of things like remodeling my basement I wonder if I am being too selfish with my money? Or am I being smart by investing it in the real estate I have been fortunate enough to acquire.
When thinking about how to heal/solve this… I came up with all sorts of solutions to other burdens. If your family is a burden, work and pray to reconcile the differences and pour unconditional love into the differences and your family members.. Similar process for a friend who may be a burden on you. Work used to be a burden, but then I realized work is about 5th or 6th on my long term importance list. So I quit my job. I still work hard, but I am in an environment that allows work to be work and not anything more or less. But for myself, I can't think of anything else than pray. Its extremely hard for me to just say to myself to get out of the way.
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