Living Rarefied

Self esteem is pretty low today, way below its 50 and 200-day moving average…

I feel like a company who just released bad earnings and my stock is tumbling…

Why is it that I can write web applications that consist of 50,000+ lines of code and get them to work perfectly and completely understand each and every line and what it does? When something goes wrong, I can pinpoint the root of the problem and fix it within minutes. But I cannot figure out things I deal with on a daily basis, and I can't even begin to know the root of problems or even if they are problems. I don't even know if they are my problems or if the pressure I put on myself makes them my problems.

Ethan Feeling, Surprise Me

Clear Communication…

Otherwise you may end up at Edina Grill waiting for a friend wondering where she is and then having everybody in the diner feeling sad for you because it looks like you got stood up… ON top of that not being able to get ahold of her to see if she is coming/late and wait for 40 minutes…

But in reality it is a communication misfire… Last week you agree on Thursday, this morning an email comes saying Edina Grill @ 11:30am. I guess to my counterparty in the meeting that meant Friday @ 11:30am, which I can't do.

To copy Heavy, here's a quick end of the conversation…

"Looks like she isn't coming, too bad it isn't friday."

"So you're saying your work is done here?"

"Yep"

"I'll get your ticket"

$1.86 for an 8oz. Coke… I was hoping she would feel bad for me and let me go without running the Coke… Guess not, $2.30 later I cut my losses and got sushi at Lund's…

Ethan testing

I was able to share my story about abstaining from alcohol with a new friend who is a recovering addict. He is 13 months sober, a few more than me.

I always feared sharing my story with a recovering addict as I feel my story isn't very moving. That my rock-bottom wasn't that rocky or that deep. The conversation we had helped me realize that its not about how far you've come, or how deep into it you were… Its about the fact you are on the same journey, with similar goals…

It was great to feel that he had the same interest in my progress as I had in his. I see his progress as an inspiration to me, a tougher journey but seeking the same Jesus…

Things in common

• Old friends don't understand: "I mean, you can have one beer right?"
• There is an incredible amount of things to do that don't involve a bar/club
• Lost a lot of "friends": Drinking was a huge reason they were around you
• Found truer friends: Those who stuck by you, those who rose up to be at your side
• Can't do it alone: He had people in his sober houses to walk with… I had my friends who stuck by me to keep me in line

I am sure there are many more, these were a few I noticed in a short dinner conversation. Looking forward to learning more about his story. I truly belive it will make my journey easier.

Ethan testing

My mind has lots to say today.. Too much to write, I should hold a press conference.

I saw some old friends from a band I worked with a few years back. They volunteered their services for a benefit that was thrown last night. On top of that, I found that one of the members who is from New Orleans, has gone back there to help with the cleanup efforts. When he isn't playing music, he cleans carpets and also is a water-damage expert. So he told me he's been down there working, he also told me about the amount of money there is to be made down there… Wide opened eyes I had when I heard that number and even wider when he said he's been doing some of his jobs for free because he knows a lot of the residents have lost so much, and spending thousands of dollars may not be in everybody's budget. Its very humbling to see somebody aware of the financial possibilities and not taking advantage of an uncontrollable disaster…

Been thinking about a guy I ran into last night.. The bathroom attendant at the place where the benefit was. I can't confirm this, but have a pretty good suspicion that not many people give him the time of day. I'd imagine they think "oh man, I have to tip this guy?" when they walk in.. I did. But as I was taking care of my business before interacting with him I thought,"He is providing a service, just as I do at my job, just as the CEO of a major company does, just as a movie star does, and as their hair & makeup artists do. Why is there a negative thought in my head when I walked in?" I am glad I had the extra time to think about it before I interacted with him. He was a very nice man, really enjoyed where he was. I am wrestling with why i thought what I thought in the first place.

Another guy in my heart is a neighborhood dad. Sometimes I like running a little late, cause that is when I see him. I have never met him. I have a vague idea of which house is his. But during the school year. 8:00 AM he is on the corner of the street with his kids waiting for the school bus. Everyday! No matter the temperature, if his kids are there, so is he. Well for the past few years, every day I drive by, he goes out of his way to wave at me. I see other cars go by with no wave. But my car, never a miss… Cant think of a better way to start each day. It puts a smile on may face long enough to last a few missed lights on Excelsior Blvd… One of these days I will stop and say "hi" versus waving. Take it to the next step…

There's a ton more on my mind… These are the highlights, the ones that lighten my day.. The ones I want to focus on…

Ethan Daily, Feeling, Music, Struggles