Living Rarefied

Blessing or curse? Can we handle brutal honesty? We say we want to be honest with each other, but do we really? The truth hurts sometimes, but wouldn't you rather have the truth and trust you will always get the truth?

"The truth shall set you free"

I wondered this morning on my way to work what we are being set free from? Has this ever been said to you and you simply respond "amen to that!" but never really think about where the lack of truth binds you?

I have thoughts, data running through my head with nowhere to go because I shouldn't worry about them at all. They run around and around stirring up stress, more thoughts… If I can rely that all I know are the truths, then these thoughts would erode into nothing in my head, as I wouldn't spend time thinking of what so and so meant when they said what they said. Or if somebody is having a problem with my behavior and wondering if they are just keeping it inside to prevent a short argument…

I love all sorts of honesty, it is such a rare quality because people keep their cards so close to them and never show you a piece of their hand.. How many times has somebody asked you how you are doing and you simply respond, good, or things are going well.. But inside you feel terrible about something going on, or you are still upset the "person" in the SUV with coffee and cell phones in hand and earpiece in cut you off on the way to work.. Those are simple truths.

The kid in the snack-shop here at work is the poster child for honesty. Here's our conversation today as I grabbed a Dew…

"What's up man?"

"Argghhh, its going to be a long day…"

"Late night?"

"No, early morning.. was at Cantebury until 4:30 this morning… got home, slept for 45 minutes and came to work."

"Oh, playing poker?"

"yep, should've left at 2, but I stayed too long."

"That's too bad.. well good luck with things today, hope it gets better…"

"Thanks, later…"

Now that was awesome… There were no lies in that conversation… He told me how it was, and I thank him for that.

For me, my thought today of truth is that it sets me free from my mind wandering away, it impedes my trust…

Related quote from Gloria Steinem, a woman's rights journalist/activist…
"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off"

Ethan Community

Made a big move in trusting God today.. I want to dive into the Lords arms with this and be at comfort with it…

I have never made a move like this before, but am both scared and excited at the same time. Scared because it is the first time… Excited because I gave up the control, and knowing the Lord can drive better than me.

Ethan Daily, Feeling

I hate the fact that my minutes are being used up to listen to some lady tell me how to do the most simple task in the world…

Speak after the beep and hang up…

Every phone call I make, it seems like it is longer and longer before I finally hear the beep!!!

Oh, Sprint is nice, they let you press 1 to skip all of that and get the beep right away! But if I am in the car, I have to look away from the road to find the 1 button and thus endangering travelers around me even more than the fact I looked away from the road to dial the number!

I would like to see on my bill, the minutes passed listening to her. I bet it is at least 10% of my monthly minutes.

Oh, they give you all sorts of options like they are doing a service to you! Press 5 to leave a numeric page? Who is rocking the cell phone that doesn't have a missed call list? The number is sent to their phone as soon as the call is placed! Its already there by the time you hear the message!!!

Then there's the "more options" option… I can't believe a message would require more than 3 steps, wait for beep, talk, hangup… Its like the instructions for a Pop-Tart!!

All this and some change the numbers on you… You expect a press 1 to leave a message and one day it changes to press 1 to leave a numeric page and press 8 to leave a message… and you already pressed 1… then you call back and try to remember not to follow your tendencies by pushing 1…

All of this so they can accumulate pennies worth of minutes each time you leave a message… Then on the grand scale, with all of their subsrcibers, they can make decent returns on wasting my time…

Its getting to the point where if I am feeling lonely, calling my own cell phone to talk to somebody doesn't sound like a bad plan… I know what she will say and I can talk all I want and she won't ever disagree with me..

who's with me???

Ethan testing

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Ethan Daily

I love Chipotle, but it many conversations yesterday, I didn't realize I loved it more than just the tasty eats…

A friend asked why it is hard to find somebody like me working at a Chipotle, Grill & Chill, Subway…

It made me think, my first response was that I was too lazy to work at a place like that. I would rather sit on my couch watching TV, playing golf, spending money I didn't have than be seen working at a place like Chipotle. I mean what if I saw somebody I know? Chances of that are high, as I can't seem to eat there without running into somebody I know, ran into Steve last night…

As Chuck and I discussed, why did we do nothing when we were both unemployed last fall? I would've learned so much from the people who work there. They have a different viewpoint on life than I do, that is a welcome change I need to experience.

How awesome would it be to take the next 4 months, get a job at Chipotle a few nights a week and make some new friends. I would learn a lot from spending time with people I just dont spend time with now! Maybe it would last more than 4 months, maybe not.

But I see there is so much to be learned in our own neighborhoods and communities that I dont think I can begin to venture too far out before I understand and learn from those around my daily life. I went to El Salvador last summer, it was an amazing experience, a culture that I don't live in daily, a culture that challenges the way I think, people live their lives in a different mindset or set of priorities that challenged me positively.. I would venture to guess I can learn and experience the same 4 blocks from my home at my neighborhood Chipotle…

Ethan Daily, testing

I just read this article and it is disturbing me…

Eleven kids found in cages in home

Could be happening anywhere… Could it happen in our own neighborhoods? It is scary what can go on behind closed doors…

Ethan Feeling, Surprise Me

When I get in front of the high school students, interact with them… All the worries/stress of the lack of support go out the window and I feel confident…

Ethan Feeling

Rough weekend with my inner stuggles of Young Life…

I spent the weekend up north at a leadership weekend. Each year, it is one of my highlights. I look forward to being there with other leaders, getting fired up for the year ahead! This year was different, it had the opposite impact on me and my strength.

To start the weekend, I got sick friday morning and was not full of energy. Tons of people I know and expected to see were not there. Hearing the speaker and seeing everybody fired up just didn't fire me up, it made me doubt more, frustrated, tired and feeling alone… Seeing large groups of leadership teams and their oneness was extra hard for me this year. I have myself and my sister as committed leaders. I have been waiting for 2 and a half years for a staff replacement for our group and am just not sure if that day is ever going to come. Would things be different if I never volunteered to be the interim point person?

I am pretty down right now about the deal.. Why can't we get any leaders? Why can't we find the right staff person? Why do I feel like I can't be stretched any further than I am right now?

There are awesome kids hanging with us and more come each day.. But with each new student I am stretched that much more… When will I break?

Ethan Surprise Me

As I sat yesterday with a friend at Starbucks, my thoughts on where you live and where you work as important issues were firmed.

If you think about the time spent at each place, you are spending 80% of your lives in those 2 places.

Say you sleep 8 hours a day, = 56 hours
Work 8 hours 5 days a week, = 40 hours
Morning routine 30-60 minutes a day, = 5-7 hours
Evening routine 30-60 minutes a day, = 5-7 hours
then there's, TV, tasks around the house, and everything else you do there…

When so much of your time is spent there, I believe it needs to be a positive environment if you are searching for improvements in your life.. My old job was not one of a positive environment. My estimate above would be close to doubled some weeks, happy hours constantly, then going back to work because of all the work that needed to be done.. My old house in Uptown, was a similar place. It was close to the restaurants and bars. My roommate and I were single, he was jobless, I had a relaxed schedule of school and work. We had a lot of fun, but didn't do too much that was positive for me.

I think that even if my mindset was that I wasn't going to partake in the negative things, I would be exposed to it and it would wear me down.. As it did.

My little sister is in the process of changing living environments and is being cautious about where she goes, who she lives with because I believe she knows that she needs somebody to lift her up and not pull her down.

I think once you know you are in a situation that is anchoring you down, you need to make a change.. I realized it in April of 2004 but didnt do anything till September 2004. So I knowingly went through an extra 5 months of an anchor pulling me down.

In the end, a job is a job and you need to do what's best for you, and not be married to the paycheck… And a house/apartment is just that. If it is a bad situation, and you're worried somebody wont understand why you need to get out, or that they will think it is trivial… I don't know they have your best interests in mind and is more reason to leave.

Life is too short to remain in struggles you can control… It took me awhile to find that out, but I learned from a troublesome time and am thankful I learned that lesson…

Ethan testing

I need to get back to riding shotgun with God…

There are still parts of the journey where I feel good and take the wheel back and drive myself. These are the parts where it is more important to ride shotgun, because the ones I feel good about are most likely the ones I want to control and that is why I make myself believe I feel good about them…

Need to really trust God in timing and relationships and the whole "everything happens for a reason" deal… I want to understand that concept without it being that concept…

I also need to not feel like I feel riding shotgun with most of my friends and some family members (especially the "little one" … She scares me a little bit). And I don't want to fall asleep while God is driving because I will miss things.

Ethan Feeling