Living Rarefied

I have been studying the life of St Francis lately. It has made me struggle with money… I have been more than blessed, but I struggle with how it is never enough. I live check to check and if it grows a little, I buy something big becuase I have the stockpile…

I have 2 priorities, paying my monthly mortgage and maxing out my IRA each year. In the chaos of way too many monthly recurring bills, I lose track of where I am at and what I am able to give.

Its so easy for me to say, well you don't have the cost of alcohol anymore, so you can go to Caribou a little more, or you can join the gym, or upgrade to HBO, or add a data plan to my mobile phone. Or, you got a raise 8 months ago when you switched jobs so its fine, there's extra room for a meal at McCoy's each week, for new gadgets or $10 lunches everyday at D Brian's…

The problem is, I am loose, I don't keep good track of detailed spending. I keep track enough to know I can't spend anymore, but no enough to save very well…

So here's my first step…I think it will be the biggest weekly savings over my current lifestyle…

My new weekly rations…

• 2 Caribous a week ( i tried to quit once, it made the problem worse)
• 1 Meal out to dinner (up to $20)
• $30 for out to lunch/dinners
• $30 for groceries

If you see me, ask me how I am doing. I hope to have people keep me accountable on this for awhile until it is part of my routine. I am going to get less miles on the Visa, but I will draw out the cash each Sunday night and try my best to stay within eash designated pile…

St Francis had it all, promises to his father's businesses, no financial worries if he wanted it that way. He chose the other, he sold his father's businesses to use the money to rebuild the churches in Assisi. Not only to hire out workers but to also work on the construction himself. To get rid of all posessions and money. To wear one common piece of clothing that was nothing more than a grey piece of cloth and a rope to tie it together around his waist.

He got it done with less and less and less, I am struggling to get it done with more and more and more…

Ethan testing

I couldn't wait to go see this movie, so I went last night with the Little One…

My parents saw it in the afternoon with my older sister and had nothing but great things to say.

I didn't learn so much about just the "love" piece.. But mostly on the committment and the results of committment. If you take a look at a year of the penguin's life, there exists 100% complete determined committment. Each year the male and female each make a trek over 70 miles (2-4 weeks worth of walking) about 5-6 times, back and forth to meet and to get food to feed the newborn. The male goes without food, loses half of his body weight, standing in -100 degree temperatures with 100 MPH winds, sandwiched with thousands of other males they dont really know, for 4 months.. Just to protect the egg while the mother goes to the ocean to get a bite to eat! Some of the males die, some of the eggs are rendered helpless as the males can be blown over by the wind…

But there are many similarities to humans..

They fight for a mate, just as we do. There are more females than males, so they fight over their men. The males love it and sit to the side and watch… They show affection by touch and closeness to each other and have their own communication. Each just like annoying couples and their PDA

If a penguin can commit like that to a gal he just met, why can't I commit to small things? Praying more often, workout schedule, going to bed at a reasonable time… And this is what their life consists of.. They have 2 months off before they make the March back to the breeding grounds.

I can only strive for the level of committment that an Emperor Penguin has for it's mate…

Ethan testing

I will be going to this movie this week to learn about love and committment. From the story of the Emperor Penguins…

I have heard about the crazy characteristics these penguins possess through stories and research. And now, lucky for everyone, it is documented by National Geographic and narrated by Morgan Freeman!!

March of the Penguins

Ethan testing

I have been thinking about loyalty this week.. Its a hard thing to measure…

How quickly would it take for those to whom I was loyal, to throw it out the window for their own gains?

How much would it take to throw out the loyalty factor in a relationship? Can you put a number on it?

Does 100% loyalty actually exist? I don't think so, not as humans… As soon as the price is right I believe we all will cave. Some prices are higher for some, but I truly believe all will cave… We are made to cave…

Ethan Feeling

My buddy Mike disclosed some information to me last night.. As of yesterday, 07.21.2005, the Upper Room sermons are now podcasted and available for download on iTunes v4.9… Under the podcast section, search for "Upper Room"

Technology is a beautiful thing…

Ethan Daily

When did I become a Christian???

When I became a follower…

I may have accepted Jesus as my savior when I was a child at the ripe age of 5 or 6 in my sister Leah's room. I am not sure about if that was the point that I was "saved". I memorized verses of the bible, I sang the songs in the church choir. But I think mostly because I went to church as a reault of my parents asking or telling me to go. I memorized verses because they told me to and it was a requirement of sunday school. I didn't do it because I wanted to rely on those verses at age 5, or even at age 13.

In middle school, I went to youth group stuff at CPC, I dont think my intentions were to walk with the Lord, but more to walk and talk with the cute girls.

In high school, I went to Young Life, not to follow the Lord, but to follow the "cool kids" and some cute girls again…

In college I kept a foot in the door of Christianity by going to church every once in awhile with my parents, going to FCA tuesday nights so my roommates would see I was trying or was somewhat grounded.. But only to head to the bars more than I was at church or spending time with God…

I am not saying those experiences are all bad, or worthless.. But to implement a used-out faith cliche, seeds were being planted. Planted for the day I chose to follow Jesus.

That day I think has only come in the past few years.. It has slowly grown from a wish, to a desire, to determined and hopefully to a point where I am passionately following and there is nothing else I can think about…

When people get married, they share the words to care for and love each other "in sickness and in health"…

They are vowing to do that, they haven't necessarily done it yet… Perhaps in dating, and in their engagement they have, but the vows are for their marriage. So does it mean as much to say it or does it mean more to do it..

So my question is this:

Does it mean anything to say, "I will follow you.. I accept you as my Lord and Savior…" or whatever way you were told you needed to say to become a Christian.

I say yes, if you follow it up with a life of devotion and servanthood to our heavenly Father and a life of following Him!

If you don't do the latter, I don't think it means anything…

Ethan testing

How they can change so quickly…

For the most part, things are the same. But one huge item has jumped up higher on my list. My eyes have opened to the problem I see coming soon to a world near me…

I need to be more active in recruitting, praying, seeking out volunteer leaders for my squad.

I have been stubborn about it for 2 reasons.

• I used to be on staff and that was part of my job, finding and building a leadership team. Well, since I have stepped down from the "paid" position and returned to the same position without pay, I see myself being stubborn and not seeking leaders because it is no longer a paid job responsibility. I don't want to do any admin stuff, collecting money for camp, organizing busses for camp, getting health forms in and basically anything else that doesn't directly involve with a conversation with a student has been a turn off for me. I dont want my role to be that stuff… Kind of why I chose to step down as a "paid staff" leader after a few years. I didn't want the responsibility that the title came with.
• In the past, we have had a ton of leaders hang with us, many good people, but also many for only a few months or month… But only a few that have had the heart for kids, had the strength to be in the trenches in the tough times when few or no kids show up. Only a few really want to do it for the kids and to further the kingdom. Many do it because they feel a need to give back. They need to volunteer somewhere… If this is the case: What is keeping you around if your intentions are to log volunteer hours or to have a community service type attidue. A student sees you walking with them, then 2 months later you find somewhere else to put in your "hours"… How do you feel if you are a student and that keeps happening? How do I deal with that when a kid asks why somebody who came and loved them for 4 weeks in a row, just left with no warning or goodbyes. So when people say they want to be a leader because they feel like they need to give back, I keep quiet. I won't give them a chance.

Answer to the first one…
I need to buck up and do the work. In addition I need to be in constant prayer for the fulfillment of the staff position. we have been without a full time staff leader for over 2 years and the ministry is at a point where I cannot carry it along further… Until then, i need to be open and in prayer about it. I need to ask others to pray, I need to get on my knees daily for the situation.

Answer to the second one…
I need to be in prayer about this too. I need to be open with people about our needs, I need people to hear our needs and not say everything is great! "You had 10 kids go to camp this summer! Things are just great!" Cause they are not… I need to be patient. I need to keep my eyes open to opportunities, people, and not have a negative attitude. I need to meet with more people who are interested and let them tell me their interests before I write them off as volunteers instead of leaders. I want leaders. I am scared of what this fall may bring. We had 10 campers come home last week all fired up for Young life, add the others who didnt go to camp and the friends of those who went to camp. I am scared that Alexis and I cannot do it alone. I know we can't do it alone and that is why it is great to have God on our squad, but I cannot have a solid relationship with more than 4-5 kids, I don't want to have kids be left behind and missed in the chaos…

Here's part one of the journey…
This friday we have an interview for a possible candidate for our staff opening… She has been a youth intern at a church and recently graduated from the University of Northern Iowa. Please pray for this interview and guidance of her heart and if she is being called to this ministry with us.

Here is the job posting…

Here is a link to our site, I will be adding pictures from Frontier Ranch 2005 shortly. Please pray for leaders to rise up from people I know, people I don't know and anywhere else they may come from!

Abba, be with me during the chaos of gaining students' trust, friendship, time. Please send those you have chosen to come along side us. Please let me keep an open mind about those you send. Please let their hearts be shown by their actions, they way they carry themselves.

Abba, you drive…

Ethan Surprise Me

There has always been a frustration with me and the "take your hat off" police when it comes to prayer.

It started as me wearing my hat just to piss them off, it always made me mad that they were so focused on me removing my hat, and I started to wonder where their hearts were, in the prayer? or in the removing of my hat?

I then started to get bothered by my joy in egging them on by keeping my hat so I needed a valid reason…

I started to step into their shoes to see why "I should remove my hat"… Well I believe it stems from the old days when men were courteous to women and would tip their hats or remove them out of respect whenever they passed a woman. Part of it may stem from removing your hats during the national anthem. There is always the "ladies' exemption" where if it is part of their "outfit", then it can remain on… I don't understand this… Somedays my hat is as important as wearing my boxers or socks.. So why isn't it considered part of a man's "outfit"

So here is my submission and the reason for the eye popping title…

If the reason is out of respect… And prayer is ideally done with your whole body, heart, mind and soul and not just with your brain. Then I better get fully naked and pray! My shirt covers my heart, better remove it… My pants cover parts of the body of Christ, which we all are, better remove them too. My socks and shoes allow me to move the Body of Christ, should remove those too!

My point is I know it is out of respect. But I think a full heart into prayer is more important than spending 5 seconds remembering or breaking my mindset to take a hat off the few times I am wearing one. I also think that if God sees into our souls like He does, another small piece of cloth won't hide my thoughts, feelings, state of my heart.

Ethan testing

I returned last night from a week in the real world, where distractions like cell phones, TVs, XBOX's, internet, cars, malls, movies went AWOL. Where struggles of kids surfaced as they heard the greatest love story of all time.

Issues like how God can love us like a "Father" when their own real father doesn't exist in their lives, or parents that don't love them like they hope for.

I was in the real world…

How suicide that surrounds their community has affected them and whether people they know who have committed it go to heaven or hell and the struggles with the fact that we can only hope so, but ultimate judgement is up to God, not what we think.

I was in the real world…

How can a God love me after I have screwed up so many times was a common theme to questions from students all week, seems as if they believe there is no hope and that if they drink more than their friend that they are a worse person in God's eyes, when in fact they are both loved the same by God. Even more hard to comprehend is that they are loved just as much as their pastors, Mother Theresa, and their leaders and the camp speaker.

I was in the real world…

Seeing kids struggle with not having electronics with them all the time (me struggling too) but hearing from them that every moment of free time is spent on the XBOX, internet, or on their cell phones are a sign to me that kids aren't forced to play outside in the yard, or do the simple things in life like we did at camp, just hanging out in the middle of camp talking, throwing a frisbee, playing a game of cards… All the activities listed above are done alone, XBOX could be with others, but they get in the zone and therefore are by themselves pretty much… At camp, everything is done in numbers, nothing alone except sleeping in your own bed.

I was in the real world…

400 campers, leaders, staff climbed to the peak of Mt. Chrysolite in the Collegiate mountain range. Later another leader from Texas told us that a student had prayed for God to let it snow on the hike… God said hello to that student and gave them a big hug… It snowed on us on the way down, in July…

I was in the real world…

The real challenge, deal with the junk that is thrown at us in the "real world" that society has molded for us.. I am fortunate to have a community that loves me and supports me, as well as a family that loves me and a heavenly father who loves me as I am and not as I should be…

Ethan testing

I don't know what set me off yesterday, but it wasn't a normal one, that is for sure. But something made me very upset and in a bad mood from about 7-9 pm…

Maybe it was the softball game where we got unacceptably beat 15-0. Only getting to bat once. I think I wanted to take my frustrations out on the referee, on top of our poor play, he accentuated it with poor calls at the bases and at the plate. I heard him say left multiple times when it landed on the plate… Landing on the plate is a ball in itself, but when he calls it a ball because it was left and not short… Well I wanted to go up to him and give him a piece of my mind like good ole Tommy Lasorda in the 80's. Pretty sure this was part of it…

It could have also been the fact that we are leaving for camp tomorrow and I am a little stressed over the final precursors to getting on the road. Kids health forms, money into the office, kids making it to the bus on time, my energy level, remembering everything I need, having the emotional strength to deal with cabin quarrels, being a friend to the students but sternly keeping them in line.

Could be the fact I am leaving work for a week, not going to miss the work, but a feeling of disconnectedness if things go wrong. Not able to do my thing and right the ship quickly.

Could be the fact that when relying on a 3rd party hosting vendor for a client, they didn't come through for me yesterday. Missing the timing for launching a website for my client… Because I chose them, it reflects poorly on me.

Could be the fact that I have been on a good run lately and it wasn't even that bad in perpective, but comparatively it was.

So to deal with everything, I went to the club and cranked up some Oakenfold and biked for 21 miles. Went to bed and was so exhausted I didn't even have to think about all the crap..

Ethan Surprise Me