Living Rarefied

I shared a meal with a friend.. This person is more than a friend to me. An integral part of who I am, and where I am today…

A few months ago I was struggling with some things and always went to this person for prayer, guidance, comfort. Shortly after as I processed some things, I decided to become a little more exclusive with my time. I was giving and giving and giving, and then I gave some more. I felt nothing in return. I know Jesus gave and gave and gave and didn't recieve nearly as much as he gave, but I feel I need affirmation that my gifts are accepted and appreciated. I wasn't getting it.

I was "the planner", the guy to go to when you wanted to know what was going on. I was in the middle of everything. Organizing trips to the Rodeo, Lutsen, T-Wolves games, BBQ's, the whole deal. I came to a turning point where I made some conclusions… I was trending towards becomming known as Ethan the planner vs. Ethan the Giver, or Ethan the Accepter. You name it, anything else would have been great, anything that gives weight to my character.

I made a conscious effort to "retire" or take a sabattical from being the planning guy and I quickly found out from a few people what I meant in their lives. I would get guilt-tripped by them because "all of the sudden I don't want to hang out anymore" I just wanted to scream at their face, if it means anything to you, friendships work both ways!!

I know it is a dicey deal to do, people will feel neglected, maybe moreso than I did. But my point is that my true friends have perservered, they have called to hang out, they have risen up. They have made efforts to be with me, they haven't razzed me about not being the planner anymore, they joke, but quickly after a serious glare from me, they are accepting.

Now back to my friend who I shared a meal with and sparked these thoughts I write today. In my process of being exclusive.. Spending time with a few and making sure it isn't shallow crap that goes on all over.. I have neglected a few, gone too far to the other side of trying to not spread myself too thin. To those who seek me out and I have still been distant, I apologize.

To my meal sharing friend, I also apologize… You have been there on call whenever I needed you. I have been on a good run lately, and unfortunately that has inversely affected us. But true friends have the guts and the strength to call somebody out on something. That's what I want in a friendship. Somebody who cares, cares enough to make things akward for a few minutes, knowing they will only get stronger.

Ethan Feeling

Click here to see the video of Dave and I going down the zipline.

Last weekend I…

Ethan testing

Why is it that when you see someody you haven't seen much lately, they ask you 1/2 or 2/2 of these 2 questions in some form?

1. So where do you work?
2. Are you seeing anybody?

The first one is obviously the first step to seeing what's going on in your life. We spend a lot of time working, this is true.

My struggles are in those 2 questions? Why are they the most commonly asked questions? Are they the only things that define me? I feel like it is a common question from adults.. Like they want to use me as a meter for where they are in life, or where their children are in life. Kind of an ego booster, oh, Ethan isn't seeing anybody, not engaged, engagement not even on the horizon because there is no gal in his life?

Its like there are 2 trophies each person who asks me those questions feel I need. A trophy job and a trophy gal. I know the term is "Trophy Wife" but that second word scares me at this time.

I'd rather hear questions like…

Have you made any new friends lately? When was the last time you connected with your family? Your best friend? How are you living like Jesus? Are you loving others?

I get some interesting comments after I tell them about the 2nd question.. They switch from energetic to sympathetic very quickly. Here's a few things they say, and things I wish I could say back to them.

"Oh, keep on waiting, she'll come soon…" It reminds me of the Napolean Dynamite scene where Kip is explaining how LaFaunda is the best thing that has happened to him and how he's sure there's somebody out there for him.

"I bet you are just so focused on your career right now and have no time for somebody…" This I would say, yes I am focused on my career, but I focus on my career at the office and thats about it. I don't think there is a huge dating scene in a company of 8 people, all of which are married except me.

"You should enjoy your single life while you have it…" What makes you think I aint?

Ethan testing

She graduated college 2 weeks ago. I just wanted everybody to know that! And she's moving home this weekend!!

I am excited!

Ethan Daily

• What are they?
• Who are they?
• When are they around/present?
• What is their purpose for you?
• What is your purpose for them?
• Do they know about me?
• Do I know about them?
• How much do I/they care?
• What is the breaking point for a friendship?
• How do they communicate with you?
• How do you communicate with them?
• Am I spread too thin?
• Who are people who can say "I like Ethan, he's a cool guy…" and mean it?
• Who are people who can say "Ethan matters in my life" and mean it?
• Who's gonna be around in 5 years? 10? 30?
• Who's going to love me if I don't have a job, or lose my sense of humor, or become bitter at the world?
• Who's never going to leave my side?

Questions I ask myself daily…

Ethan Feeling, Surprise Me

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.

Did you know that if a sheep does not lie down. It will die? It will eat and eat and eat until it dies…

The sheep need to lie down to digest the food. They cannot digest the food while standing up. Maybe that's why I love taking a snoozer on the couch after a good meal.

But I have been on a quest lately, meeting some great people with amazing thoughts.. I have been trying to be a sponge, soaking up all I can. But this passage contradicts what I am doing. If I do not lie down and process things/thoughts that enter my world, I will die… As soon as I learn something new, old stuff I haven't processed/digested gets thrown out and it is like I never even heard it in the first place. Also if I do not digest it, to find the real meaning or truth behind it, I may struggle with a new thought and it will confuse me.

When Peter was on the boat after Jesus' death fishing. Jesus came to him and yelled from the shore. Upon noticing who it was Peter approached Jesus and the following conversation between the 2 occurred. (John 21)

15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

17The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

18Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

Now, if we are His sheep, and Psalm 23 says "He makes me lie down" and sheep will die if they don't lie down to digest… That is something to think about.

Information is great, conversations are great, books are great, sermons are great… But if you don't digest them, what is the point?

Thomas Jefferson had it right, I think I get it backwards sometimes.

We hold these truths to be sacred and undeniable, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these, are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

Sometimes the end for me goes "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Knowledge".

Ethan testing

Down a zip-line with a guy who wont ever fly in a plane.

A man who had hit rock bottom no more than 7 months ago. A man who has spent 17 years in prison. A man who didn't smell clean. A man who 99.9% of the world wouldn't approach. A man who had was nicknamed "Spider" as a teenageer in prison because of his lankyness and how he had to earn his respect by overcoming his size differences and laying out one of the inmates trying to touch him. A man whose face isn't straight becuase of the fights in prison and on the streets as a homeless man. A man who had 6 teeth. A man who loves to smoke cigarettes. A man who doesn't speak proper because of the damage heroine has done to him. A man who is 50, but looks more like 70. A man who has been through it all.

A man who is on fire living for Jesus more than anybody I have ever seen. A man who was taught the gospels of Jesus without Jesus ever being mentioned. A man who saw the gospels being lived with his eyes. A man who loves his past and where it has brought him now. A man who wants me to meet all of his homeless buddies. A man who loves his cigarettes. A man who shares his story with you over and over because he is so excited to live for Jesus. A man who helped plan and rallied 100 homeless from the inside to come to a Christmas dinner. A man that loves. A man that wants to be loved. A man who is humble. A man who is loved dearly by Jesus. A man who knows and understands that.

A man who touched my heart. A man who is my newest friend…

Ethan testing

A coworker was laughing a minute ago. Seems that Fox Sports is picking on us few Ethans out there. My name is becoming a pretty popular name. I'd like to say it is because of me, but my survey results aren't in yet. But it was a top 5 name for newborns in 2004 according to the Social Security Administration.

First off, my name is actually John Ethan Otterlei. Ethan is my middle name for those who didn't know that. I switched in 2nd grade to go by Ethan full time. There are still a few who call me John. I think it is only those anti-establishment types who don't like change. But my Dad doesn't have a middle name, due to his Father disliking his own middle name. So my Dad and Uncle Harold have no middle names. Grandpa's name was Johan Lars Otterlei. He was the first JLO. For work, my Dad actually asked me to borrow my middle initial for his email address username.. They told him he was john.x.otterlei. So he now goes by john.e.otterlei…

But Fox Sports was ripping on the name Ethan…

The most popular boys' names are Jacob, Michael, Joshua, Matthew, and Ethan. Those aren't necessarily poor choices, but what batter is going to be afraid to face Ethan with the game on the line?

strong, firm, constant.. Those words define Ethan on a name definition site. Sounds like Brad Radke or Eric Gagne to me. Must be a slow news day.

Do your research Fox Sports!!!

Making fun of Ethan

Ethan Daily

"This weekend is going to be amazing. I am so excited for you!"

Quote from a few friends who have been to the retreat I am going to this weekend, or who have spent time with those I will be spending time with this weekend.

I am headed to Michigan tonight with a friend to go to a men's retreat. Since I have heard about this weekend, I have heard nothing but positives, people just being pumped for me. I am pumped, super pumped. But I have no expectations except to be amazed and transformed. I am racking my brain to come up with questions I want to ask the people I will be with. I don't want to be on the drive home sunday and come up with questions I wish I had asked.

Reasons for excitement…

• Growth in spirit, love, character, and tons of other areas.
• Get away from daily, monotonous life here in the city.
• Spend 13 hours in the car each way with somebody I am getting to know and trust better.
• Spend time with 100+ other guys seeking the same thing.

I will update you all on how the weekend went when I return. If I get reception there, I may post some brief thoughts on here…

Ethan testing

Do you ever have those times where you think you see somebody, but are not sure it is them so you pass on by?

This happened tonight at the health club. I was at SLP Northwest and after I got done biking, I walked over to stretch and looked right at somebody who gave me an "I know you" smile and tilt of the head. I did my best to replicate the gesture, not sure I got the head tilt right. But kept on walking so that I didn't get embarassed if it wasn't the person I thought it was…

Now I am kind of bummed, what's worse, getting embarassed, or blowing by somebody you know and making it look like you dont have the time of day.

In hindsight, I would've stopped and said hi. If it wasn't her, maybe I would've made a new friend.

Having breakfast with 2 guys who I respect the most. Love these guys. Gotta get to bed…

Ethan Daily